Review a piece of my text

I put the small cigarette butt out in that fancy,glass ashtray and tried to fall asleep,not caring about the fact that I’ve uselessly brushed my teeth before,as it was my first day being fully ‘‘responsible’’ and all.

I’ve thought about what I was going to do the next day,feeling very excited and looking forward to it.

‘‘Yeah,I’m getting that nightstand after school.And a new,bigger desk,a couple of these,some of that…’’

I looked at the walls and then at the closed door.

‘‘Maybe I should set up some posters around here and there,as well?’’

I stared at the ceiling and then looked through the windows.The wind softly blew in an opposite direction to my apartment as if it was calling me out.Or maybe trying to pull me away from my mistake;a last warning?Since I didn’t see it then,it doesn’t matter now.

‘‘Yeah,I’m replacing that light bulb.And these courtains.Oh,it’s nice outside,even now!’’

I pulled my cussion under my torso and reached for my phone,charging on the floor.

‘‘Shit,I can’t sleep;am I a little too enthusiastic about this?If that’s the case,let’s work out some prices for tomorrow.’’

My eyes started hurting at some point and I was feeling even more restless.

‘‘Ah,■■■■ it;I’m done with this.Let’s go outside,you know what?’’

I got up,grabbed my vest and jacket,put them on,buttoned it,tied my boots and went throught the door,which I opened in a hurry.The moment I got outside,the cold,fresh air of the night filled my lungs and gave me energy.

‘‘This is indeed refreshing.Although I shouldn’t make a habit out of this.If I ain’t careful not to let things like this get to me,then who will watch over me now?’’

The atmosphere felt almost eerie.The vastly organized district was unusually silent and there was no one but me to be found out there,on the streets,at an hour of the day at which people would still drive their ways home from work.

‘‘I forgot my cigarettes at home.And I’m thirsty…Oh.’’

I headed to a local market to buy some but,to my surprise,it was closed.

‘‘Maybe it’s some kind of holiday?Well,I wouldn’t know,since I don’t care much for them anyways.’’

Trying to see if I could find a place that’s still open,there was a big sign that caught my eyes in a flash.It was the only light coming out in the entire area,too,as everything was dark;not even the street lamps were lit.

It was a sign of advertisement for an apparently useless product I haven’t haven’t heard of before.A limited sale,too,it seemed like,of a watch that measured your heartbeat.What did clocks have to do with one’s heart,anyways?Near the price,the sign wrote…

‘‘You still have time…Huh,what a way to exhibit a pointless thing.’’

A program was printed next to it.It would have expired at midnight,that day being the last.Out of curiosity,I reached for my phone to see what the time was.

‘‘11:59,it says…Oh,now it’s midnight.Too bad,it’s over.I almost wanted one.’’

As I was mocking the idea of such a watch in my mind,the street lamps brightened,lighting up every corner of the alley.

‘‘So they open at twelve?Is this mocking me instead?I remember seeing them lit even earlier.Today must really be some kind of holiday.’’

Even the light inside the store opened,so I took a look around.I saw a small shelf reading the same thing as the poster outside,so I took an even closer glance.

‘‘Looks like the entire lot’s been emptied already.Who’d buy something like this,I wonder…’’

The wind blew again,but in the opposite direction as before,one straight towards my place.

‘‘I didn’t know the wind could take turns of 180 degrees just like that.You learn something new every day.’’

Having ignored all of that…No,rather,having not noticed any of it,I went on and though…

‘‘This is the start of a new day.The first day on my new life.I’ll do my best!’’


I’m currently writing another one.

I want it to be casual,while a little dismal (gloomy),not scary.Also easy to understand and suggestive.As the protagonist reflects onto himself and his innocent ignorance which he regrets,I need this to be pretty family-friendly;the real shit is starting in a while.

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I like the way you separated their own thoughts from their surroundings. In a book, I would go as far as to even use different fonts since your goal seems to be contrasting their thoughts and the world around them


Very good, I must say. Same as the post above, and it’s nice that you put effort into the details. Overall, nice job, keep it up, my good lad :grin:

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lake what drugs did you take (cus I want em)