People needed to evaluate this story

I need some smart people who are good at evaluating stories to rate and give tips about this minecraft narrative I have begun work on. I am definitely going to get serious about this, so please give me only good answers. If you are only curious about this topic, please stop reading and leave this topic! (edit: No one has voted yet, so I’m lowering the minimum english grade for voting to a B)
(edit 2, now everyone is allowed to vote due to the complicated grade system XD)

Here is the story in construction. This is the first chapter finished. (text size doesn’t work :frowning:

Obsidian Mountain
By Wither_Master999

Wither_Master999 bravely climbed on, over the steep hills and towering cliffs. From not far away, the unmistakable sound of dangerous monsters could be heard echoing through the misty air. This was an adventure like never before. It was everything he had hoped for. To climb the dangerous mountain. By his side were his two friends, Slimeyz_Plays and Flappy_Bird19884. Wither_Master999 was by far the best warrior of the three, but even with their group, the mission was sooner or later bound to fail.

Behind The Barrier

Somewhere, in a dark place of Minecraft, lay a tall, black shadow. It was at least 200 blocks tall, reaching higher than the world limit, somehow naturally generated beyond the world’s extremes. On this mountain lies terrible dangers, which would be a challenge to even a group of the most experienced warriors. Hordes of obsidian zombies roam the dark mountain, having 10 times the toughness of an iron golem. They strike with great brutality, being able to kill even a player in diamond armour in a single hit. Rarer are the obsidian spiders, that are extremely well camouflaged in the dark landscape. While they only have half the amount of health as the obsidian zombie, they sprint faster than any player, and attack with even greater force. In the skies, a very rare sight of the formidable obsidian wither can be seen. Only ten in total thrive on the mountain, and kills all in its path. These withers can have as much as 10 000 health points, and are the unbeatable terrors of the land.

The monsters on obsidian mountain have many strengths. For example, they are well adapted to their environment of constant darkness, and streams of lava that pour down the mountain like waterfalls. These so-called lavafalls originate from chambers inside the mountain, where it gets its lava from the nether below. Furthermore, none of the beasts can be hurt by explosions, for obsidian cannot be destroyed my any type of explosion other than blue wither skulls. The mountain was well known for its fearsome inhabitants and the features that the mountain carries. No one has ever come back after setting foot on obsidian mountain. However, brave adventurers seeking treasure relentlessly tackle the terrain and hide from the monsters in search of the mythical sword on the very top. This sword was said to grant power over all obsidian mobs, and command them. As well as that, it deals vast amounts of damage, and was considered to be unbreakable. But as brave adventurers climb the black mountain, they have all been killed by the mobs living there.

The mountain was not reached easily. It was behind the world barrier, which was far from any proper player town or settlement. Players had to throw an ender pearl through the barrier, before which they would be teleported outside of the world, where the floor had no texture. Obsidian mountain lay a few hundred blocks away, where vision was reduced to 20 blocks and all blocks were made of obsidian. Because no one had come back to tell the tale, no one knew that it was impossible to teleport back inside the world barrier, leaving all who should go inside trapped on the outside world. This claimed the lives of many players, who then died of obsidian mountain or starvation. It could not be helped, since all player speech would be impossible outside the barrier, and placing blocks would only cause them to disappear.

The rumour of the sword was what urged so many experienced players to go. They would gather a team or usually around 10, and teleport outside of their world, which was to be their unknown doom. By Minecraft law, it was illegal for players without a combat licence to travel outside the barrier. They would have to pass dangerous and gruelling tests, that usually ended up in the death of the contestant. Only the very best made it through. But even though, no one made it out alive, and no one even got close to reaching the top of the mountain. After weeks of falling of the greatest warriors, obsidian mountain was rendered out of bounds to all. But even so, some players join secret groups, and take their death-sentencing journey towards the forbidden mountain.

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0 voters

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0 voters

dammit

I only got a B+

sorry bro


New Zealand don’t have such things as letter grades

3 Likes

That’s not funny @Muhd_Boci, please vote properly

Sorry I got A but I only 13…

ps. same as winz vietnam don’t have letter grades.

Your age does not matter

But the grade does…

If your english is 70% or higher you’re allowed to vote

Sorry my ielt is 2…

Uh, if you’re higher than average you can vote

Actually it is 1…

My percentage is 69%.

Sorry bro

New Zealand don’t have such things known as percentage grades

1 Like

Is it wrong to understand and don’t understand at the same time?

Yes. But I guess everyone can vote now since the grades in different countries is so different.

This is a goddamn Supermech’s forum
what did you expected?

The sad thing is, I don’t have social media, so this forum unintentionally fills in for it. And I don’t want it to.

2 Likes

Just make 1 on discord…
Ask @MCG_567_YT

Pretty decent story in my opinion, I give an 8.

Paused development of the story for a few days, but I just finished the second chapter. Also it sounds a bit less intense than the first chapter because the first chapter is always the most intense any story

Preparing for Attack

Amongst those who were brave enough to tackle the mountain was a dark and dangerous figure. Wither_Master999. He had been feared by anyone who should duel him in competitions, and he strikes down dangerous enemies without a problem. He was the player who was always respected for his power and skill. He had been training hard to the very day until he thought that he was strong enough to survive obsidian mountain. Wither_Master999 was also known for his looks; a dark body, with glowing white eyes. Many thought that the skin was so perfect that it was a player version of a real wither. Deep inside though, was a surprising capacity of helpfulness and friendliness. Although he was capable of defeating almost anything in his path, Wither_Master999 took any opportunity to help new players, teaching them new skills and tactics. He also enjoyed teaming up for big missions, which he was greatly respected for.

Wither_Master999 had many Minecraft friends who sometimes worked together on many missons. They mostly join servers, which were built into the game. His friends had been looking forward to this moment, and were urged to join them, even if it means breaking the rules. Soon, Wither_Master999 and two of his friends had agreed to join the team. They have planned to set up a small base next to the barrier. But first, they would have to look for resources to build the base and produce the materials. But to activate the plan, they would have to stay in Wither_Master999’s house, the base next to all resources.

Wither_Master999 had two main friends, Slimeyz_Plays and Flappy_Bird19884. Slimeyz_Plays was the more innocent one. He was by a little worse at the game than Flappy_Bird19884, but he was kind and helping, always ready to lend a hand. However, he sometimes needed help on some more experienced activities. Flappy_Bird19884 was a more confident player, and was surprisingly better at parkour than Wither_Master999. He always did his best, and was friendly with many. He was the one who always thinks of the best idea first.

Ever since Wither_Master999 had abandoned his old house and created a new one, he had been progressing fast. He already had a deep mine, a good house, good armour and weapons and a farm. What’s more, he had built his house next to everything. Plains for building, a ravine for mining, a forest for wood, and a river for fish. However, next to his house was a huge mystical jungle biome, rumoured to be cursed. Only Wither_Master999 was brave enough to build a house beside it. Wither_Master999 created a triple bunk bed that extended over the roofless house. If someone slept up there, they were bound to be shot by skeletons, so he put an extra wall around the top bed.

All was set to begin the hunt for resources. Slimeyz_Plays wandered around the perimeter of the base, managing the wheat farm, harvesting wood and collecting meat from nearby animals. Flappy_Bird19884 was on the more dangerous duty, mining where lava and hostile mobs is a threat, and gathering loot from mobs. But no one could beat the daring of Wither_Master999. For the first time, he swam across the river that divided the mythical jungle from the rest of the land and headed inside. He wasn’t very worried, due to his combat skills. As days grinded by, the resources in the players’ base increased. Wither_Master999 made an extra chest to store the loot they had found. From inside the jungle, he had found many valuable treasures, such as redstone, gold, diamonds, enchanted books and even an end crystal found inside the chest of a jungle temple. But on the fifth day of resource gathering, Wither_Master999 did not return from the mystical jungle.

Building up the suspense, eh? Rate this chapter

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0 voters

looks interested… I will read it after finished homework.

1 Like

Looks like no one is voting in this topic because it is boring