Adventures of F3 - A journal by Robin Hood


#1

DAY 1

It’s a brand new world for me. I found a nice little place by a guy named “WORST”, which bodes well for me; I couldn’t possibly do worse than him, right? Settling my colony!

…I don’t know who this admin guy is, but he sure likes to talk a lot. Skippirino the Adminorino!

DAY 2

Recruited by the leader of SC, I must have given off a great first impression.

I arrived at the front gates to TW Aquarius’s base… but the doors are locked. I have the paperwork to join, but doors don’t seem to care how much you pound on them. TW assures me I can get in. There must be a way.

DAY 3

Some evil force has stalled my efforts. I fell asleep, and was not able to wake up (aka server doesn’t load for me.)

DAY 4

The benevolent god known as “Alexander” found a backdoor into the mortal realm. I can continue my questing.

Note: SC front doors are still locked, but are now flying a yellow “SJ” flag. I wonder what that’s all about.

DAY 5

Other SC bases are now following suit, also flying an SJ yellow flag. Must be a new trend. I don’t get it.

DAY 6

Still locked. TW doesn’t seem to be getting my carrier pigeons.

DAY 7

A white flag labeled “SJs” was raised above “WORST” today. Someone ought to let him know he has one too many letters, and the wrong color. Or maybe he’s a hipster, trying to go against the norm? I respect that.

DAY 8

Yellow flags surround my protected base. I feel like a lamb surrounded by hungry wolves. I can’t wait for my protection to end; this little lamb has claws.
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TO BE CONTINUED…
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DAY 9

Still outside the SC leader’s base, knocking on the door. Some dude in a green outfit and carrying a camera tried to get in too, but when I told him it was locked, he just shimmied up a tree to look over the wall. He came back down later in the day and ran off, all red faced and giggling. Weirdo.

DAY 10

Finally! Turns out TWAquarius was just in the shower the whole time while I was banging on the front door, and he just didn’t hear my shouts. I’m officially a member of SC! …I wonder what that stands for, anyway…

DAY 11

The castle is coming along nicely. Got me a hot spring, and hired an alchemist to make love potions for the ladies. Things are really looking up. Plenty of protection left, so there’s no need to muster troops yet. In other news, that WORST guy is actually becoming somewhat of a problem on the outside.

DAY 12

TWAquarius wants us to move elsewhere. Dang, I really wanted to test out my army building capabilities. I guess I’ll wait for the move. Besides, I have, like, a good month of protection left. I’ll just take it with me.

DAY 13

ALERT. ALERT. APPARENTLY PROTECTION DROPS WHEN YOU RELOCATE. WOULDA BEEN NICE TO KNOW. OH GOD WHY

DAY 14

It’s cool, it’s cool. Apparently I can murder my own workers, and by doing so, troops don’t have to go through the training process. How… efficient?

DAY 15

Everywhere I look, there are targets. Everywhere there are targets, either AL or my SC allies are taking them. That’s fine, I don’t need slav- I mean, taxes. I have to slow down anyway, I’ve been murdering workers left and right. Probably not the ideal thing to do.

DAY 16

Still no idea what SC stands for.

DAY 17

I figured I should help out my SC buddies by putting some outposts down, you know? Create some portals, maybe some watch towers, yeah? As I’m putting them down, I somehow managed to neglect these giant green target signs all over the countryside. Apparently, I was supposed to put portals and watch towers down on those green target signs. Oh. Well then.

DAY 18

Good lord it’s boring out here. Boring and HOT. Whoever thought moving to the middle of the freaking desert was a good idea needs an arrow to the skull.

DAY 19

A message was broadcasted through the stars today, by a guy named “LINK”. It was a picture of TWAquarius, all wet, with the caption, “LOL.” Huh. I didn’t know TW showered with his clothes on. I told TW about the picture. He claims he was not amused, but his face was soooo red. Oh man. Good one, LINK.

DAY 20
Apparently we are preparing for war, and my dumb mistake of not putting outposts on the green targets actually turned out to be a HUGE boon for us. Go me! I told TW I did it on purpose, because I secretly knew his plans. He didn’t buy it.

DAY 21

War preparations are slow, but moving along. I hope TW is cool with me recruiting the only unit that matters: a metric ton of archers. For the good of the alliance! For SC!

…I’m going to go ask TW what SC means.
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TO BE CONTINUED…
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DAY 22

To war! Today I started utilizing my gates to move troops into POB territory. I’m super cool with this; Roronoa says that the island they inhabit up north is super nice, with trees and open plains and beaches… I can’t wait to move there!

DAY 23

Units are moving in. Had to kill some more workers for a bigger army, but they seem oddly cool with it.

DAY 24

Army has arrived. Some of my fellow SC members arrived already, and are taking care of business.
Note: “SC” apparently stands for “Zodiac Signs.” I fear TW Aquarius doesn’t know how to English.

DAY 25

I’m moving in! I can see the beaches!

DAY 26

GODDAMNIT RORONOA IT’S A FROZEN TUNDRA. I should have sent the troops with more heating pads, they are NOT happy with this.

DAY 27

Preparing to take some outposts and colonies. Meanwhile, our allies PP and SJ are slowly taking some of my outposts in the east. I messaged the leader, Oda, about that. I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding.

DAY 28

It was most definitely a misunderstanding. By that I mean, SC misunderstood that we were fighting SJ, the most insanely powerful alliance on the planet.

God help us all.

DAY 29

Welp, turns out I’m terrible at this whole military leader thing, because I just sent all of my troops to their death. I tried taking out a POB colony, which I thought for SURE I was going to win, but all my men were slaughtered. Huh.

DAY 30

TW Aquarius made me the military advisor for SC. I hadn’t told him about my attack yet, so like a true soldier I took responsibility for the death of my men and told TW all about my failed, miserable attempt at attacking POB. He nodded in understanding, and politely removed the military adviser title from me.

PSYCHE! I totally kept my mouth shut. As if I’m giving up this sweet ass ribbon on my uniform. Plus, I can change the colors on our world map of all the alliances. That is SO worth pretending I didn’t just send 80+ men to their death and covering up the murder as “soldiers who went AWOL.”

DAY 31

SJ and PP moving HARD on our east flank. I don’t want this job anymore. Not worth the ribbon.

DAY 32

Woke up to find a rifle in my face. Apparently SJ and PP took all of SC all in a matter of 12 hours. The soldiers were nice enough to let me put in one final journal entry before being taken awa
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SLAVE ENTRIES
DAY 3

Those bastards didn’t let me finish. I haven’t had a chance to put in any journal logs since, due to a lack of access… hopefully one day I’ll get a chance to transfer these notes electronically.

SO ANYWAY, you won’t believe who my captor is. Yup, it’s none other than our good friend WORST.

The work is hard. Unlike the rest of SC, I’m the only one under his thumb. Everyone else was captured by SJ. I get messages every so often from my allies, and MAN does it sound awesome. They say they only have to pay a daily tax- other than that, they can live in their own colonies like free men.

Meanwhile, WORST has me working the lumber mills every goddamn day, chopping down trees and loading the trunks onto horse-driven carts to send literally across country to his main colony.

DAY 4

I got a message today that said this:

From: fddbfgh
Subject: hjhn

Body: hhggn

…I couldn’t make this crap up if I tried. I’m done. What is this world coming to?

DAY 8

Surprise inspection by some of WORST’s cronies today. Apparently they moved in pretty close, and were ordered to keep a close eye on me. No trust, man. I thought we were buddies once.

DAY 12

Treatment is getting worse. The inspectors have started “disciplining” bad behavior, which apparently includes asking for a goddamn glass of water after 6 straight goddamn hours of working on the GODDAMN LUMBER MILL.

Got another letter from TW Aquarius. He says the imported SJ beer is actually pretty good, and he can’t wait to visit and see how things are going, but first he’s taking a vacation with the CATA leadership. I wonder how long it’s going to take before he realizes that I’m not writing back. Good lord I’m in trouble.

DAY 31
That’s it. I’ve had it. I’m busting out of here. I’ve been saving the scraps of metal I could find, and I plan on forging my own set of armor and weapons.

DAY 33

Iron armor? Check. Iron sword? Check.

Hopefully, the next time I write, I will be successfully rebelling against my conqueror. My fellow slave workers are following my lead, and awaiting the signal.

Back to war, men! Today, we become free! For the glory of ZS! (because it’s “zodiac signs”. Quick note to self: if I get out of here, I’m having a discussion with TW about that whole SC thing. And the beer, don’t forget to try that beer.)
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TO BE CONTINUED…
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THE GREAT ESCAPE

Hack. Slash. Slash.

I made my way through the narrow hallways, fellow warriors behind me as I led the charge. The PP guards were caught by surprise; as we continued the escape, we freed even more men from their cells, who picked up the weapons from fallen guards and pressed on.

It wasn’t long before we made it outside. We breathed in the fresh air… but the reunion with the outside world was cut short by an army of WORST’s men storming the castle from a distance.

We grouped back up inside the castle doors. Quickly, I issued orders; archers at the ready up top with me, shield men barricading the door. The plan was to bottleneck the soldiers and fight them on our terms. We were outnumbered and outgunned.

But this was OUR home.

The battle lasted through the night. Torturous screams echoed the hallways, and the blood of both friend and foe spattered the castle grounds. I snuck a peek out into the distance; no more soldiers. We were winning! All that was left were the soldiers standing just outside the castle walls. We could do this! We could win! …wait, why is the enemy standing outside the castle walls?

RROOOOAAAARRR

The dragons tore down from the night sky and plunged into the castle. These suicidal beasts were known to do the absolute biddings of their masters; long ago, they used to be ridden into battle, but then the invention of arrows caused a shift in tactics. It was far more devastating to simply ram them into the enemy lines. But how did we not see them coming?

I ran as fast as I could to the command center. Like most resourceful leaders, I had a weapon that could be used against these sky demons. I couldn’t let them take the castle like this.

Ripping open the right arm of the throne, I revealed the stone button. One push, and I could rain lighting down on the creatures, and save us all. My fist fell in triumph, smashing on the button with all my might.

No response.

Desperately, I tried again. Nothing.

I looked up through the hole in the ceiling, wondering why the lighting wasn’t working… and I saw a light shimmer of red in the sky. The air around me suddenly felt thick.

Jammed. They jammed my entire castle.

Everything from there happened in slow motion. I fell to my knees as the dragons exploded through the walls, sending large chunks of debris into the last of my men. The terrified shrieks of my soldiers died quickly. The castle buckled under the strain, fell apart all around me. Then… nothing.

When the dust cloud began to part, the last eight remaining soldiers from PP approached me cautiously. They found me slumped over in front of my throne, bow in hand. I only had 6 arrows left. They didn’t charge; they knew the fight was over. I hung my head low, ready to give in to death.

And then… a miracle.

From the heavens above, a bright streak of white light slammed down between the soldiers and I. Everyone shielded their eyes from the light, except me; I looked up to see what was going on. Among the clouds was a giant… spherical, unidentified object hovering in the air, projecting the giant beam. The light dissipated as quickly as it came, and there before me stood six very confused, very frail looking men in robes. The object in the sky disappeared.

The soldiers were confused. Heck, all of us were confused. These new people had blank stares- on their robes, they bore the symbol of SC.

They were my workers. Workers gifted from the gods above. I knew exactly what I needed to do. I drew all six of my arrows, knocked them on the string, pulled back… and fired.

The workers dropped like bricks. The enemy soldiers took a step back, still in shock at what was transpiring before them. I wiped the tears from my face, drew a short sword, and grinned. The soldiers gripped their weapons more tightly. I uttered the chant:

“Heavy unit. Slashing weapon. Armor upgrade. Train. …Hurry.”

With a deafening crash, the Ogre burst through the ground where the six now-dead workers lay, it’s massive sword flailing wildly towards the enemy. It took them completely by surprise. One down, two down… it wasn’t until the third soldier was sent sprawling against the wall that they came to their senses and fought back. But it was too late. The soldiers focused all their might on the poor Ogre, taking stab wounds and slashes like a champion. It was barely enough. The last soldier finally fell to my blade.

Panting heavily, and missing one arm, the Ogre turned to me. We nodded at each other. We had done it. The battle was won. I was liberated. How long had I waited for this day to come? How many back-breaking hours did I spend cutting trees for that damned WORST and his PP alliance? We both stood in silence, basking in our new freedom. I wondered what my Ogre friend’s name was. Unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to ask as a sword plunged through the back of his heart.

The ogre whined, and fell, dead. There was another man behind him. This gentleman was very well dressed for a soldier, but did not bear the arms of PP. Instead, his garment had “RyT” written on it. The man eyeballed me, but did not advance. It was clear all my energy was spent. I dropped my sword. The man cleaned his blade, and asked, “Who are you?”

“I am Robin Hood,” I said in a very weak voice, “Leader of this castle and member of the SC alliance.”

“Ah,” he said, his face looking more grim. “Good that I found you first. The RyT alliance will be taking control of your colony. Any objections?”

“They RyT alliance? Never heard of you.”

“We used to be called SJ, perhaps you know it?”

I could have sworn I heard trumpets, and confetti popped out from the non-existent ceiling. The rest of SC had nothing but great things to say about being conquered by SJ. This could not have ended any better.

I held out my hand to the man. “Glad to be part of the dominion. Who are you?”

He smiled, and took my arm. “Name’s Sahs. Welcome to RyT.”




These last few days have been great. TWAquarius wasn’t kidding; RyT helped me rebuild my castle, and I got to taste the sweet nectar that is RyT beer. Thing have never been better.

Nothing could possibly go wrong.
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TO BE CONTINUED…
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#2

I love this hahahaha


#3

Waiting for updates :joy:


#4

I was the one who need to send some nude pics at SJ :frowning: If LINK was here


#5

Days 9 - 21, updated.


#6

Hilarious, looking forward to more.


#7

New update available now.


#8

:joy: Keep it up my man.


#9

this is very entertaining. im hoping i get included when you make your f1 story


#10

Another update for you guys, hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. XD


#11

We definitely enjoy this more than you think :joy:


#12

I feel this is also relevant here



#13

Shhhhhh. We’re not there in the journal yet! XD


#14

damn should I remove? :stuck_out_tongue:


#15

It’s fiiiiine. I should be including the screenshots of all the messages I’ve sent to WORST and others, because frankly that’s where this story comes from.


#16

This is absolutely brilliant hahah


#17

RyT Sucks. I know you leave. Its so embarassing. I keep sending nudes broo! But nevermind. CrAzY.


#18

Wish i had more likes for this, brilliant stuff :joy:


#19

whats RyT? :jack_o_lantern:


#20

The one I failed to kill. Well, as your the leader its seems that youre token is not 30+ anymore. So I can send Nudes now?