I know that feeling man.
Trust me,that day left a blood mark on my meaningless existence.
However I had to see her half-smashed face at the scene after her parents specifically told me not to go there whatever happened.
And I could have helped her…
I still hold the regret of not being capable of doing anything when I might have been able to change something and I’ll keep bearing it.
I regret doing that as well.
I was a dumbass back then but that’s one of the mistakes that made me realize many things and meet many people that would drastically help me grow.
I kept at it around a whole summer,but then I had some complications,some thoughts that didn’t belong to my head and other problems,that made me realize that whatever goes on,I must keep myself on my own two feet.
Don’t do that.
It’s a mistake that few are able to progress from.
Be strong.Cry when you need to.Treat yourself properly.
Live your life.
You’re reading this off a former cannabis and hasis consumer…
I wish you best of luck,my friend.
While I had learned from all the stupid things I’ve done,while I stopped doing that and grew this much from that point,I still have a chronic case of anxiety and I’m struggling every day over the most simple of things…That’s why I find this forum as a place where I belong,where I can be myself.
Anxiety is an extremely hard thing to come by.You need a lot of power and a lot of strength along with a rock-solid constience to get over it.
Fins the power inside of you to pass it.The power I don’t have.
Try to think more about yourself.
About your good points as everyone has bad points.
You are amazing,you are capable of anything if you want,all it takes is a little courage to try and find out for yourself.
Only listen to yourself,my friend.
Be yourself,not what you’d like others to see.
It’s because I think way to much over things that should be only natural.
Yeah,I can’t hold a conversation without thinking what to do/say next ten times over,either.
I took bites of me too.
Until I looked at myself in the mirror.
All I saw was a shell with some empty yet glossy eyes.
I realized that’s not my way and that I had to do something to change my current state.
I was desperate at first…But then I started listening to metal.
I tried to search for answers,I tried to make myself loog and feel good,not for others,but for myself.
I was alone,yet satisfied with my way of being.
I started to trust myself little by little,until I got to the point where I could actually trust my own powers,start to socialize (little due to anxiety,I don’t think I’m progressing too much but I’m getting the hang of liking myself,at least) and even made a girlfriend (I still don’t know how the fuck I actually managed that,but I did.And I’ll keep doing the best within my reach).
Now I want you to do the same.
Look yourself in the mirror.
Do it right now,just after you finish reading,I dare you!
Do you like what you see?
Of course you don’t.
You gotta made a change,you gotta BE the change!
Try out some new clothes,go ride a bike,listen to music loud and dance,idk do whatever gets you in the mood.Unleash yourself.
You might not have too much faith in your own powers now,but you will,after you figure the answers for yourself (non-anxious people will have no ideea of what I’m telling you right here) then move on.
Like an algorithm.
But trust me,it’s so easy that we tend to forget about them…
My best friend died and I saw what was left of her afterwards.
I was isolated due to my social awkwardness and finger-pointed,beaten up and hated just because I was (and still am) a rocker.
I am sometimes affraid of simply going out,to school,etc.
I’m having little faith in my future (but hell,I’m gonna improvise something,if I worry about that I’ll never pass my other issues).
I’m not satisfied enough of things,tho I keep trying,I can’t allow myself to give up without trying.
I am getting in arguments with my relatives every single day and I absolutelly hate being surrounded by these idiots.
I haven’t achieved any of my dreams yet…But I’ll keep working at it.
I can’t allow myself to give up without trying.
However,even with all the bad that’s going on in my life and in my head,thoughts beating eachother up inside of me,even if I actually considered suicide as a possible solution once or twice,I found this answer out of the many that I’m still looking for to discover.
SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER.
Rather than to end it right now,disappointed,I’d try to live just one more day and try.And then repeat the process.Over and over.
If you give up now,you won’t change anything…
After the storm,the sun comes out!
Maybe today was bad.
Maybe this entire week.
But after this shitty time,better times will come.
And then worse and then again,better!
It’s one of the cycles of life.
You’ll learn many things out of this.
I wouldn’t be the same person if I wasn’t to live all the nightmares I’d ever imagine by now…
You will grow,too.
Keep going and one day you’ll laugh when you remember that you considered suicide.
You’ll do the same as I did.
Don’t let anything consume you…
Depression is the real hell and when you get consumed by it…That’s the real death.
Don’t look forward as everyone says.
Look at the bad stuff.
Learn from it so you won’t even care anymore!
Just fix yourself on an axix and keep going on your way.
Your life shall be beautiful.
Just open your eyes and you’ll see,just like my sorry,depressed and suicidal self did!
I,for one,will never consider suicide ever again.That’s because after all the storms in my life and all the bad I had to endure,I had the good times I craved for.
I just didn’t believe things like that existed before,that’s why I couldn’t move on.
I changed perspective a little and I did.
I saw just HOW BEAUTIFUL life can actually be.
But that sadness is what made me SO HAPPY some other times.
As I said,look yourself in the mirror.
If your body looks dead but your eyes are still glossy,you know what you have to do,as I shared a little bit of myself with you.
Trust me,as even I could realize it.
You have that power as well,my friend.
You’ll find it soon enough.Then you’ll see the light for once and then do what you have to do.
You will know.
My phase started at around 13.
I’m almost 18 right now and I think I did more than most people in their elderly years of life.
Just because I’m young it doesn’t mean that I don’t know anything.
It took me many years to get over things,to smash my head on walls and learn from it and to become who I am today.
Maybe it’s the hormons,I don’t know…(Joking)
You’ll see the light,just as I was able to.
Read this message again and you’ll see.